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Spoiler Alert: That “Exclusively Gay Moment” In “Beauty And The Beast” Was Anticlimactic

Ever since live-action Beauty and the Beast director Bill Condon said in an interview that there would be an “exclusively gay moment” in the flick, there’s been an enormous amount of hubbub. Supposedly, it would be Disney’s first verified gayness despite Disney having pretty much created verified gayness. So, various hicks, mommy bloggers, and even entire countries have been denouncing this and pleading with us to think about the children. Bestiality’s fine, though.

Related: Various homophobes are protesting “Beauty and the Beast” due to gayness

Anyway, I saw the movie. It’s ok. Emma Watson is fine. Dan Stevens is fine. And Josh Gad is the homosexual LeFou (who was totally gay in the cartoon but not EXCLUSIVELY gay), who is obviously in love with hunky Luke Evans’ Gaston. And as for that “exclusively gay moment?” Well, it’s not exactly LeFou and Gaston 69-ing or…actually, the only person in the movie I want to see do gay stuff is Evans so I’m not going to mention any other male character in my hypothetical “exclusively gay moment.” You see what I’m getting at.

Basically LeFou rubs Gaston’s shoulder, says a couple of things letting you know he’d cut Belle’s brake line to have him. And the big gayness is, if you squint, you can spot him falling in mutual lust with another dude who expressed an interest in drag earlier in the film. It’s about five seconds. THE END. Yeah, there’s your “exclusively gay moment.” I can see why the concern was global. It’s nice and all, but I’m going to need a rimjob next time.

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